Categories
Blogging The Relentless March Of Time

Ping

I should probably write more, I reckon. It hasn’t half been a while (again).

This blog will be 20 next year, so it’d be a shame if it continued to lay dormant here on this unloved corner of the web. Are blogs still a thing? I suppose there’s Medium and Substack and the like for that now, and the kids are all busy making Tik Toks and whatnot.

Anywho. Feel like 2022 should be a year when instead of posting stuff that no one reads onto teh Twitters I should post longer stuff that no one reads here instead.

I wonder if I’ve got anything interesting to say? (Did I ever?)

Stand by ever single word of this, mind. Britain continues to deserve better. I’m not sure it’s going to get it, mind.

Categories
Despair Politics UK

Britain Deserves Better

Ok, ok. It’s not as if the world really *needs* another hot politics take or anything and more to the point I doubt there’s anyone out there to even *read* this blog, gathering dust as it is in this neglected corner of the web, but apropos of nothing in particular and really just for my own benefit here, dear god it’s been depressing watching the absolute state of British politics unfold during this election campaign.

Not as depressing as the polling numbers, mind. Although maybe baffling would be a more appropriate word. How is it that even after everything, the Tories are still polling numbers that say “massive majority government”? Nine years of crippling austerity politics. Nine years of cuts to the NHS and other public services. Nine years of fit-for-work tests. Nine years of foodbanks (I mean, seriously, how does one of the world’s richest countries have millions of people reliant on foodbanks?)

Who exactly is it who looks at Boris Johnson — a man who has lied and schemed his way through his incredibly privileged life all the way to Downing Street, who has said and written awful racist and homophobic things, who isn’t even trusted by members of his own family, who disparages single mothers while simultaneously doing everything he can to personally create as many of them as possible — and thinks “yeah, that guy’s got my back”. The Queen-lying-to, take-your-pick-from-my-pro-and-anti-Brexit-articles, pointing-at-a-camera-crew-saying-there’s-no-press-here, 53-million-quid-garden-bridge-to-nowhere, reporters’-smartphone-stealing, lies-about-the-NHS-on-buses, american-tech-entrepreneur-funding, hiding-in-a-fridge guy.

Is it the fact that he’s going to “get Brexit done”? Well in one sense a Conservative majority likely means they *can* plough ahead with the hardest of Brexits, unburdened by a pesky democratically elected parliament applying oversight to the process (I mean wasn’t this whole thing supposed to be about parliamentary sovereignty anyway?) but if you really think Boris Johnson’s “Oven Ready Brexit” is going to be “done” in any meaningful way any time in the near future, then I’ve got this awesome bridge to sell you. Like most ready meals, it’s just crappy reheated leftovers that taste nothing like they were supposed to.

The withdrawal agreement is the *start* of the process, not the end. It took Canada 8 years to reach a FTA with the EU. There is zero chance one is completed by the end of 2020. Brexit will be dominating British politics for *years*. *Decades*, even. (Unless enough people finally come to the realisation that a country declaring economic sanctions on itself is monstrously dumb and just cancel the whole thing, of course…)

Yeah, so Johnson went to Europe with Theresa May’s withdrawal agreement (you know the one he and his ERG mates had repeatedly voted against), replaced the temporary backstop that was supposedly the reason they wouldn’t vote for it in the first place with a permanent border down the Irish sea, and caved in to various other EU demands. As someone much smarter than me described it at the time, it’s the political equivalent of paying full price for a DFS sofa. And then when he finally won a vote in parliament, he threw his toys out of the pram and pushed for an election that’s now taken up most of the article 50 extension time. Just as well we haven’t wasted our extension again…

But here we are, on Christmas Election Eve. And I fear what Election Santa has in store. I’m sure it’s some logical fallacy to overstate the importance of *events happening right now*, but to say this feels like quite an important election is something of an understatement. A majority Tory government can do a lot of damage in 5 years to an already divided and unequal country. Britain deserves better.

Categories
Blogging Misdirected Emails

Gosh. 3 Years. Is It Really…

And so time, as it is wont to do, marches relentlessly forwards. This blog has really just been pining for the fjords, honest mate. I mean it’s not like much has really changed. The sun continues to shine intermittently on Melbourne. I continue to sit in front of a keyboard typing words for a living. Family is now 25% larger and I’m still getting emails intended for other Matts around the world.

I mean come on. How hard is it to remember your own email address?

On the plus side, I do now know Canadian Matt’s full address, middle name, the answers to his security questions along with details of his three previous convictions.

Wowsers.

Categories
Australia Football Media Shoddy Journalism

Is Understood To Be More Than Double

I’ve already posted this to Twitter (twice, actually) but I’m going to keep posting it until someone else finds it as funny as I do.

Yesterday The Age reported on the announcement from Optus of their plans to televise the Premier League here in Oz from next season.

My favourite bit, though, was this:

In November, Optus surprised the market by swooping on the rights to the EPL and agreeing to pay $63 million annually, which is understood to be more than double the $20 million a year that Fox Sports is paying now.

Sources close to the business recently confirmed to Fairfax media that 2 and 2 are understood to equal 4.

As of press time, just one other person in the world thinks this is funny.

In other news, whatever happened to that bus with the world’s 62 richest people on it? I bet they’re having a ball.

You could fit the richest 62 people in the world on a single coach

Categories
Australia Media Shoddy Journalism

Letter To The Editor

Dick Smith Motley Fool

For some reason The Age chose not to publish my letter. Can’t think why…

*

Sir,

I almost choked on my cornflakes reading Scott Phillips of The Motley Fool in today’s Money section explaining “How to avoid investing in the next Dick Smith“. One answer to this might be “don’t listen to what the so-called experts say”. As recently as October last year one stock picking service was extremely bullish on DSH, writing that it was trading at “bargain prices”, with “more upside than downside”.

DSH_MF_1

“Looking past the short-term factors could result in a very Foolish reward for those willing to take the plunge”, they said. “Dick Smith is a stable stock with great dividend and growth prospects.”

And the service providing this advice? I believe they’re called “The Motley Fool”. I think there’s a chance Scott might be familiar with their work…

DSH_MF2

Categories
Getting Old

The Youth of Yesterday

Rather like that Douglas Adams quote and the xkcd comic about getting old and fearing technology, it seems that once you reach a certain age you become gripped with the feeling that the youth of today are nothing but no good layabouts who know nothing and expect the moon on a stick to be handed to them on a plate…

You know. This sort of thing, which popped up in my Facebook feed earlier today:

Kids Today

Hang on a minute, though. What’s that you say Mr Gates:

Rule 3… You won’t be a vice president with a car phone

A car phone? What’s that granddad?

This, plus the Friends reference in rule ten, are your first clues that maybe this wasn’t a recent speech to today’s no good kids. In fact, Snopes tells me it’s from a 1996 newspaper column written by some guy you’ve never heard of called Charles J. Sykes.

So those no good kids that this is referring to, with “no concept of reality” and “set up for failure in the real world” would be in their mid to late 30s now…

Hang on a minute: I was doing my A-Levels in 1996. Is he talking about me? Are you saying I’ll never be a VP driving around with my car phone?

At least we have wifi now. I probably could do my job from the coffee shop…

Categories
Melbourne Music

Time Since Britpop

Can it really be 10 years, since I ended a blog post on this very site with the statement

Can it really be 10 years since the day Blur and Oasis released Country House/Roll With It on the same day…

Well there’s still nothing that highlights the passing of the years to me quite like Time-Since-Britpop™. Those heady mid 90s days when any group of lads with a couple of guitars who’d been to The Good Mixer at least once could bag themselves a record deal, a Melody Maker cover and get their CD single digipack catapulted to the dizzy heights of one week at number 18 in the charts.

Today the Maker is gone, the NME is being given away, and I can’t remember the last time I bought music on CD (“Granddad? What’s a CD?”) The Good Mixer survives, apparently

I was transported back on a wave of nostalgia last week when we went to see Blur play a predominately Greatest Hits set at Rod Laver Arena for a generally appreciative Melbourne crowd (who clearly hadn’t really listened to The Magic Whip…)

Part way through This Is A Low I suddenly had a very clear memory of listening to them being interviewed by Simon Mayo on Radio 1 in the week before Parklife came out. 1994. Gosh, doesn’t 1994 all seem like such a long time ago now? I didn’t even own my own copy of Parklife — although I did record my sister’s CD onto tape so I could listen to it without having to steal her copy from its prized spot in the 3 CD changer thingy at the top of her stereo (this of course was back in the days before home taping killed music).

I was also struck by how dated many of the references in the songs were — there’s something very late 90s about The Universal, for example. All lottery references and “satellites in every home”. Damon even introduced Trouble In The Message Centre as their “pre-internet” song (come to think of it, I’m not sure “message centre” was a particularly current reference in the 90s either…) But luckily those songs still sound as majestic as ever, dated or not.

Oh, and they played bloody Trimm Trabb again. Seriously lads, why are you doing this to me?

Categories
Getting Old Music

Oh Man. Twenty Years. Where The Hell Did That Go?

It has come to my attention that the third Manics album, The Holy Bible, was released twenty years ago today, on the 29th of August 1994. I have a clear memory of catching the bus into Southport, as a spotty 16 year old, to go and buy it from Our Price.

It was the first CD that I ever bought with my own money.

Of course I’d bought records before — so, so many embarrassing records ** — and cassettes, but I’d come to the party with CDs somewhat late. I’d only just got my first CD player the week before (a reward from my parents for doing well in my GCSEs) and The Holy Bible was the third CD in my collection, joining Definitely Maybe and His n Hers, which had both been given to me.

They were soon to be joined by hundreds more, the proceeds of my first job washing dishes at the Cathay Garden, but The Holy Bible was the one I played to death. I can still remember almost all of the lyrics, and I could probably quote you any of those little snippets of speech that play at the start of most tracks (“I wonder who you think you are? You damn well think you’re god or something? God give life and god taketh it away. Not you. I think you are the devil itself…”, “I eat too much to die, and not enough to stay alive; I’m piggy in the middle…”) For a while it was the default disc that I left in the player — this being a time when you had to get up and walk across the room, pick something out of a case and physically swap the disc if you wanted to listen to something else — and because I used it as my alarm, the opening riff of Yes still engages some kind of Pavlovian response that makes me think I should get out of bed and go and study A-Level Maths…

But now twenty years have passed and my copy of The Holy Bible is gathering dust in my parents’ house, and I’m on the other side of the world carrying round a small rectangular device that can store several thousand songs and fits in my pocket. Every now and again I experience a pang of nostalgia for mid nineties indie. I recently chucked everything I have from 1994 and 1995 back onto my pocket sized magical music device and have been enjoying rediscovering the delights of many forgotten and not so forgotten indie bands (…Gene, the Bluetones, Sleeper, Suede, The Wannadies…) I wonder what happened to all of them?

Now they’re as far in the past as Glam Rock was when I was listening to britpop. Oh man. Twenty years. This is what it feels like to get old, isn’t it?

 
 

** For reasons lost to history, the first record I ever owned was Chas n Dave’s 1987 Tottenham Hotspur FA Cup song, Hot Shot Tottenham. To this day I have no idea what possessed the nine year old me to want to own this 7 inch single — I am not and have never been a Spurs fan; I was a (clearly somewhat confused) Everton supporter even then. Perhaps I just really liked the song…

Categories
Australia Melbourne Politics

I Am So Angry I Made A Sign

I Am So Angry I Made A Sign

We heard them before we saw them.

We were cutting through Parliament Gardens on our way to the city when we heard the muffled sound of a loudspeaker.

“Is that the Grand Prix?” I wondered aloud to Sal. A reasonable assumption I thought, given that the bee swarm like buzz of the cars whizzing around Albert Park had been clearly audible across much of inner Melbourne for the last few days. But as we turned the corner into Spring Street and saw crowds of photographers on the steps of the Parliament building and the police holding the traffic at bay, it was clear that some kind of protest was taking place on Bourke Street.

It wasn’t immediately obvious what the focus of the protest was: I could see signs attacking brown coal and promoting solar power but mixed in were some asking us to “Save Australia Post” and, quite wonderfully, “Stop Being Awful”. (Although no Down With This Sort Of Thing, sadly).

Stop Being Awful

As we walked down Bourke Street it became clear that the crowds were heading straight for us, so we ducked back onto the steps of the Palace Theatre to let them pass.

Teh internets tell me this was the #MarchInMarch. How have I not heard of this before? It seems you can turn up and march for whatever you like, and thousands of Melbournians young and old had chosen to do just that.

Despite the disparate causes, there were some common themes.

People before Profits. Gina Rinehart. Tony Abbott.

I can’t imagine that the “save our posties” guys, or the small group rather bizarrely asking for adoption to be made harder (no, me neither), or the “solar power” crew would necessarily hold the same views on everything, but everyone in that crowd could agree that Tony Abbott is a massive dick. If it’s possible to take a positive out of a negative, then the one thing you can say about last year’s election result is that at least it’s given us something we can all focus on. In many ways he is our George Bush. And I can’t quite imagine Malcolm Turnbull evoking the same sort of collective anger.

I Am So Angry I Made Another Sign

After a few more minutes of watching, we somehow made our way across to the other side of Bourke Street (it’s a bit like crossing the road in Thailand–you’ve just got to go for it…) and found a table at the Mess Hall, where we sipped lattes and perused the brunch menu while the crowds of thousands continued to stream past outside.

“What did you do in the revolution, daddy?”

“Er, well, I kind of missed it. But I did have the most delightful free range organic scrambled eggs on sourdough while it was happening outside…”

Categories
Media Shoddy Journalism

Oh FFS, Not Again: The Economist Worldwide Cost of Living Index is Not a Cost of Living Index

So every six months it seems The Age re-runs what is essentially the same story as the latest incarnation of The Economist Intelligence Unit’s Worldwide Cost of Living Index is released.

In the most recent of these, they lead with a typically startling claim:

It’s cheaper to live in Copenhagen, Hong Kong or New York City than it is to reside in Sydney or Melbourne, according to the Worldwide Cost of Living Index compiled by the The Economist’s intelligence unit.

Really? But hang on a minute, what’s this:

Sydney ranked fifth and Melbourne equal sixth on the list, released on Tuesday, US-time. That was actually a drop of two ranks for each city since the last survey was released last year.

Jon Copestake, the editor of the index, said a recent decline in the Australian dollar meant that Australian cities in 2014 offered slightly better value for money, resulting in their slight drop in rankings.

“The long-term rise of the Australian dollar, which has doubled in value in the last decade, has fallen back lately, with a corresponding decline in relative prices,” he said.

Well that’s interesting: why would the recent drop in the Aussie dollar make Melbourne and Sydney slightly better value places to live? If I live in Melbourne and earn money in local currency, then why would a fall in the value of the Aussie dollar make it cheaper to live here? Wouldn’t a weaker dollar make it more expensive in some respects, pushing up the price of imported goods, for example?

Maybe it’s because (as I wrote back in 2011) The Economist Intelligence Unit’s Worldwide Cost of Living Index is not really a cost of living index at all. As the report itself says:

The Worldwide Cost of Living survey enables human resources line managers and expatriate executives to compare the cost of living in over 130 cities in nearly 90 countries and calculate fair compensation policies for relocating employees.

Everything is converted back into US Dollars. Any movement in the position of Australian cities is almost entirely a result of exchange rate fluctuations. As the Aussie dollar got stronger, those cities rocketed up the list. And now that the Aussie has weakened they are slowly falling back.

It’s really a cost of relocating from the US and paying for things with US dollars survey. Which is perfectly fine if you use it for the purpose it is intended to be used for, but you can’t take the information in the report and try to draw conclusions for people who already live in those cities and earn money in local currency.

I don’t doubt that Sydney and Melbourne belong somewhere high up on a list of expensive cities in the world, but I strongly suspect that their average wages would also put them pretty high up on a list of the richest cities in the world.

And if you don’t look at the cost of living as a proportion of average wages then your results are utterly meaningless.