Ok, so I know that writing about Spam is just about the lowest form of blogging, but a couple of today’s missives caught my eye…
Amongst the messages that Gmail had helpfully moved to my spam folder today I found a note from the intriguingly-named “Nicolle Laurila”. The subject heading tells me that “Scarlet Johansson loves Men with huge equipment – do you measure up?” Huge equipment? I’ve not read about that in Heat. You mean like mechanical diggers and stuff? Well I guess that explains why she’s always hanging around at building sites, and at least now I know that the true way to impress women is to steal a crane.
In other news, I have a message from “Marjorie Escobar”, (a distant relative of the famed Colombian drug overlord perhaps?) who tells me to “Do What Millions of Other Men Are Doing Today aiken”. Well clearly this message was intended for Mr Aiken, and I wouldn’t want to be opening his post, so I’ll never know what it is that Millions of Other Men Are Doing Today–is it going to work? having long awkward silences in overpriced restaurants surrounded by other couples also pretending to enjoy themselves? buying half a dozen wilting roses from a petrol station forecourt? investing in an extra large box of man-size Kleenex?
Sadly, we can never know.
A third message, from the frankly bafflingly named “pacerfan714undersea” (that’s not your real name, is it?) is simply titled “Valentine Dad”. Now if that’s not the name of a seasonal comedy film that’s fun for all the family and stars Tim Allen, then it damn well should be…