Categories
Media Shoddy Journalism teh internets UK

Google To Destroy Music Industry, World

In the olden days it was a lot easier for newspapers to pass off ridiculous claims as facts because anyone who wanted to verify them would have to go to some serious effort to do so. These days, however, we have teh internets, and fact checking has suddenly become a whole lot easier.

So if you’re going to make claims about teh internets, then you’d better be pretty sure that your claimed facts are, you know, actually true.

Case in point number 247 is this article in the Daily Mail: Google threatens to destroy not only pop sensation Adele, but Britain’s film and music industries.

Scroll down towards the end of the article and you’ll find this astonishing claim:

One only has to switch on the computer, call up the Google search engine and type in the name of a star like Adele to understand why the digital channel is such a threat to the UK’s performers, and for that matter our whole creative industry.

Nine out of the first ten websites which pop up on Google’s search engine are run by pirates who have downloaded Adele’s output and offer it online far more cheaply than official copyrighted sites and High Street retailers.

In effect, Google has granted these piracy sites a licence to steal. Instead of the proceeds going into future investment in artists, it ends up in the hands of internet buccaneers.

Really? Nine out of the top ten search results for “Adele” are “run by pirates”? Did you really think you could make a claim like that and nobody would check?

(And by “far more cheaply”, I presume you mean “free”, no? Unless you really believe your claim that any proceeds are someone ending up in the hands of “internet buccaneers”…)

Anyway. So I turned on my computer and “called up the Google search engine” and did just that. Your mileage may vary, because Google now gives you geographically specific and personalised search results, but when I try that very search I get her official website, her wikipedia page, her MySpace page, a YouTube link, her Facebook page, last.fm, a lyrics website and Amazon.com.

Hmm. No pirates there.

Now I’m not suggesting that it isn’t possible to find copies of Adele’s music by doing a Google search, but you do have to specifically go looking for it. And until someone releases an album called “BitTorrent Download”, you won’t really be able to accuse Google of promoting piracy.

Actually, that’s sort of the point of a search engine–Google’s job is to index the internet, not to pick and choose what is worthy of inclusion in their index. Blaming them for the fact that certain websites show up in their search results seems to be the very definition of shooting the messenger.

Unless you have some other specific reason to be annoyed at Google. Oh, hang on…

So dominant has it become that it has helped to destroy great swathes of other media in its wake, from regional newspapers in Britain and the United States to business directory companies.

Ah. I see.

Categories
Australia Customer Service UK

Your Call Is Important To Us

I was transported back to an earlier time, last night, as I sat listening to hold music being told that my call is important but that all the customer service agents are busy right now, and I realised that I don’t really do this any more. Much as I loved living in London, it seems as if I was always hanging on hold trying to sort out some problem or other. I still remember the time that I spent so long on hold to Homechoice/Tiscali trying to sort out some problem or other with my broadband that I listened to an entire Leona Lewis album before someone answered. Happy days…

But I can’t remember the last time anything like that happened.

Maybe this is the real reason why I haven’t been blogging so much since we moved to Melbourne. There just isn’t enough to get pissed off about here (and on the rare occasions when I have to call my lovely ISP, iinet, they even do this wonderful thing where you just hang up and they call you back, and then use the caller ID to pull up your account details before you even start talking to them…)

Of course it goes without saying that the company I was on hold to was in the UK: I’ve decided that it’s finally time to extricate myself from the company that hosts my other web presence. Originally this was hosted by an excellent small hosting company called Freedom2Surf, who I picked about 10 years ago when I first set up that site in a vague attempt to make it look like I’d done at least one extra-curricular thing at uni that I could put on my CV. And they were great for about 5 years, until they got taken over. And taken over. And taken over again. Following the most recent takeover they have been completely rebranded and I now find myself a customer of Talk Talk Business.

I’ve moaned about them before, but general laziness has always kept me from doing anything about it. But with the latest rebrand the old F2S website account area is gone. I used to be able to log in and check my account details, see past invoices, and update my account settings, address and billing details. Now I have the My Talk Talk Business Portal, which provides almost zero functionality. I can log in to this and see that I have an account, but that’s about it. No invoices, no pricing, no indication when my hosting or registrations expire–everything just leads to a message telling me to phone a UK 0800 number if I want to do anything. That’s a bit of a deal breaker for me, though, given that I live on the other side of the world now and it’s not massively convenient to have to call someone in the UK whenever I need to do something…

I can’t even update my address details because their wonderful portal has been coded to accept only UK postcodes and phone numbers. Oh and when they rebranded they also sent me a letter in the mail to my house in Australia containing my login password, which they had apparently been storing in plain text all this time. Oops.

So it’s time to sort this out: unfortunately I just paid for a new year’s hosting and registration before the rebrand, but as a first step I thought I’d try to get the .co.uk domain that I have registered with them (www.pastemagazine.co.uk) moved over to my other (cheaper, better) host (who are probably preparing to sell out to Talk Talk as we speak…) so that they will be the ones who bill me when it comes up for renewal in a couple of months. 20 minutes of hold music later, and having been passed between 3 departments, I finally get through to someone who can help me:

“Oh yes. You need to send us an email to request that, as all cancellations have to be in writing.”

Thanks. Wonderful. Thanks so much for writing that on your website… Now can I have the last half hour of my life back?

Categories
Misdirected Emails Spam teh internets

Dear Matt Armstrongs Of The World

I know I got there first with the best Gmail address for our name, but just because you’re jealous it doesn’t mean you have to give out my email address to people and pretend it’s yours…

So no, “The Cast of Disneyland Paris”, I don’t think I can give you feedback on my recent visit there, given that I haven’t left Australia for over a year.

I also won’t be reviewing my recent stay at the Hilton Taba Resort Nelson Village in Egypt (although what I thought I was doing there casually taking my resort holiday in the middle of a revolution is a mystery to me–I guess at least one of the other Matts is actually a dick…)

It gets worse. Apparently I am also in the real estate business, profiting from people’s misery by selling foreclosed properties in Indiana. But I won’t be showing you around this one. Maybe you’d be better off contacting the Matt Armstrong who’s listed on the site instead of emailing me. Just a thought.

And Matt, if you’re going to sign up to a restaurant loyalty program, you might want to include your own email address. Although having said that, since their emails have an “edit profile” link at the bottom, I was able to log in and see the address and phone number of my property in Baton Rouge, LA. Perhaps I’ll turn up one day and move in.

Actually, perhaps I should consider some kind of identity fraud on people with the same name as me. Shouldn’t be too difficult, because apparently they are all idiots.

Categories
Australia teh internets

Crikey! OzBargain Wants To Give Away My Email Address…

So I was signing up for an account at consumer-discounts-website OzBargain, when I happened to notice something a bit odd in the terms and conditions I was agreeing to

Terms and Conditions of Use

Account Inactivity

After a period of inactivity, OzBargain reserves the right to disable or terminate a user’s account. If an account has been deactivated for inactivity, the email address associated with that account may be given to another user without notice to you or such other party.

I’m sorry, what? If I don’t use my account for a bit you are going to re-assign my email address to someone else? My email address? Have you checked with Google on that? ‘Cause I don’t think they’d let you give away my Gmail address to someone else…

Or did you just copy your terms and conditions from someone else without checking whether it made any sense in the context of your website…?

Categories
teh internets

Mobile Friendly

Once again Randall is on the money here.

Attn: developers of mobile websites. If I follow a link from Google (or, say, an obfuscated short url from someone’s Twitter post) to a specific page on your website, by all means sniff my user agent string and give me a mobile-friendly layout because I’m on an iPhone, if that’s your thing, but don’t dump me on the homepage of your mobile website.

Here’s an example: had to look something up on the website of aussie supermarket chain woolies, but it’s basically impossible to browse any content on their main website on an iPhone. Direct links in from Google dump you at i.woolworths.com.au. So you hit that “visit the normal website” link down the bottom and get the homepage of their main site. Oh and there’s the link to that thing you were looking for…. So you tap the link and… oh you’re on an iPhone? Yep back to i.woolworths.com.au for you. Brilliant.

Categories
teh internets

IMDb’s Version

Ah. Free movies.

When we lived in London there were so many free movie screening tickets available if you knew where on the internet to look, that we pretty much saw one every week. Sadly they’re somewhat thinner on the ground over here in Melbourne, but there’s still the odd one every now and again. Tonight it was Barney’s Version, a bittersweet tale of the “fully lived life of the impulsive, irascible and fearlessly blunt Barney Panofsky”, played by the always excellent Paul Giamatti.

I mention this only because, when I turned to the internet to check something, I was highly amused by the IMDb’s page on the film.

Just look at that cast list:

List of minor characters from the film Barney's Version

They’ve really summarised the most important people in the film there, haven’t they: “Productions Executive #1”, “Judge at Rome Wedding”, and who could forget the pivotal role that “O’Malley Director #1” plays in the story.

At least they did remember to include Mr Giamatti in the cast list, even if they forgot to list Dustin Hoffman and Rosamund Pike (who just played really minor characters like, um, his father and the love of his life…)

But nevermind, the cast list did actually answer the question that sent me to the internets in the first place: there in third place was the answer to my question. Yes that guy who appeared for a split second playing a Mountie in the rubbish TV show that Barney produces was indeed Paul Gross, him off of 90s Canadian Mountie-themed drama Due South

Categories
teh internets

Over Sharing

Really, iiNet? Someone been having a dirty protest have they?

Our office is full of number 2s this month...

Categories
Uncategorized

Sense of Perspective

Yes, that’s right, The Herald Sun, the fact that you, living in a free country with a democratically elected government, might have to pay slightly more for your electricity is exactly the same as living under an oppressive dictatorial regime in the Middle East.

Mark Knight, The Herald Sun

Categories
Uncategorized

Is This Supposed To Be Aspirational?

There’s been some unfortunate sporting endorsements on the airwaves here in Australia during our big summer of sport. Inevitably England’s domination of the Ashes was never going to be entirely compatible with all those ads featuring Aussie cricketers that popped up in between overs.

Just how many multivitamins does Ricky Ponting need to take, one wonders, to feel better after once more leaving the field with just a handful of runs to his name. And I can only assume that when VB filmed the ad for their “If They Get The Score, You Get The Cash” promotion, in which an off-screen interviewer asks Shane Watson how he feels about picking up a big score of 3, that they didn’t expect it would be quite so close to the truth.

And don’t get me started on Mitchell Johnson being loudly berated by the Barmy Army for his erratic bowling one minute (“he bowls to the leeeeeft… he bowls to the riiiiiiight… that Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is ….”) and then popping up to sell us Gatorade the next.

But by far the worst sporting endorsement on the Australian airwaves at the moment is the following rather disturbing insight into the rather sad life of Aussie tennis hope Sam Stosur.

Really, is this supposed to be aspirational? If being one of your country’s best female tennis players means going home alone to your sterile, depressing, lonely apartment with only a fridge packed with microwave ready meals to look forward to and a phonecall from your dad while you eat your meal-for-one out of its plastic container, then frankly it’s no wonder Australia is struggling to find their next tennis great.

Categories
Uncategorized

Desperation

I think McAfee must be getting a bit desperate. Seems they *really* want me to renew my anti-virus:

Subject: Subscription Renewal Price Enclosed
From: subscriptions@mcafee.com
Date: Wed, Oct 13, 2010 at 1:06 AM

Subscription length: 1 Year(s) Renew Subscription(Auto Renew)

Base price (pre-tax): £ 64.99(GBP)

Subject: Alert: 1 Month Remains
From: subscriptions@mcafee.com
Date: Fri, Nov 12, 2010 at 4:39 AM

Renew Now
Save 15%

1 Year Total Protection
£55.19 SAVE 15%

Subject: Alert: 2 Weeks Remain
From: subscriptions@mcafee.com
Date: Sat, Nov 27, 2010 at 4:55 AM

25% Off Plus 25 Music
Downloads* When You Renew Today

RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION NOW
1yr Total Protection – plus 25 downloads*
Was £64.99 Now £48.69

Subject: Save 50% On Internet Security Renewal
From: subscriptions@mcafee.com
Date: Wed, Dec 1, 2010 at 11:16 AM

Save 50% On Internet Security Renewal
£24.99 – 1 Year

If I wait long enough they’ll probably give it to me for free eventually…