Is This Thing On?

In an attempt to illustrate the probelm of inappropriate 999 calls, Avon and Somerset police have posted some examples of real 999 calls on their website.

The results are, frankly, astounding. Like the man who calls 999 because his wife has gone out without leaving him any food: “Communications operator: ‘I’m sorry but I really can’t take this. It’s not an emergency because your wife won’t give you anything to eat.'”, or the woman who calls because she can’t find her glasses: “the ones for my nearsight… And I’m trying to get my lunch and I can’t see to do my potatoes very well.”.

From this week’s Time Out (summer festival special):

Q. Do you all play crowd-pleasing festival sets?

Tim [Wheeler, from Ash]: It’s for the masses, y’know, so I think you’ve got to play the hits.

David [Gray]: I’ll be doing “Please Forgive Me”, and, I dare say, “Babylon”.

Gruff [Rhys, Super Furry Animals]: Um… we don’t really have any hits.

To Loftus Road, on Saturday, to see Everton do their best to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, and throw away their last chance at a European place next season. After Everton’s Alan Stubbs had put the ball past Richard Wright for the first of our two own goals, the Fulham supporters broke out into a chorus of “there’s only one Alan Stubbs/there’s only one Alan Stubbs/one Alan Stubbs….”

Nice to see Yahoo news carrying this picture of England’s finest “restraining” a young chap during yesterday’s May Day protest.

Wearing an 8 year old Oasis T-Shirt is clearly a serious offence these days.

Makes you proud, doesn’t it?

The word “probe” is one of those horrible tabloid headline words. Not only is it over- (and mis-) used in headlines, it also fails to tell you anything.

Anyway, I was amused to see how the people over at BBC Sport have chosen to cover the story that the incident involving Everton’s Duncan Ferguson, his elbow and the head of Aston Villa’s Joey Gudjonsson in last week’s match has been referred to the FA video panel. They went with the following headline:
“Ferguson faces elbow probe“.

An elbow probe huh? Hmm. Sounds intriguing. I wonder how that’s administered. Does Mr Gudjonsson get to do it himself in some kind of revenge incident?

I was fascinated to read the Broadcasting Standards Commission’s latest bulletin (as a result of rob’s post). I entirely agree with him that some of the things people complain about are hilarious.

Call me childish, for example, but I couldn’t read:
“A listener complained about the presenter’s repeated use of the word ‘twat’.”
without laughing.

And whoever complained about “tasteless and inappropriate content” on Jerry Springer, clearly hasn’t quite grasped the point of the show. (Or, for that matter, whoever complained about “descriptions of violence” on BBC news).

I also agree with Rob that people who complain about this sort of stuff should really learn to turn over/off and/or get out more, but I was just wondering a couple of things:
– how do you get on the “standards panel”? That sounds like a cool job, rather like being on the BBFC where you get to see loads of films before they come out.
– can you only complain about program content, or can you complain about stuff just because it’s rubbish? I think that would be much more entertaining: “The commission upheld a complaint about the Des O’Connor show, because it really is shit”…

This whole having to look smart for the new job thing has a couple of interesting side effects. Popping into Enfield this lunchtime to pick up a new toaster for Sal (admittedly perhaps not the most romantic gift I have ever purchased), I was asked by a fellow shopper for advice on her deep-fat fryer purchase. To which I had to point out that I didn’t actually work there.

I’m not quite sure what went wrong when I bought the new shirts, but I can’t say that department store assistant was quite the look I was going for…

Fun with maps: I found this exercise to be a very illuminating experience. Well worth a go.

Last year at Glastonbury I went to see the band Elbow perform. At one point they had the crowd sing something from one of the songs for their new album (just one line: “we still believe in love, so f*ck you”).

I was there.
I was singing as loud as I could (of course!)
I’ve just been to the Elbow website to register my name so that I can be credited on the sleeve…
I will be buying the album and scouring the small print for my name.

Marketing gimmick? Well, yes, probably, but I can live with it. (Er, yes, of course I’ll be buying the album…)

Announcement on the GNER train service returning to London Kings Cross at around 9pm last night (the train had been packed for the entire journey, with people standing in the vestibules at least from Newcastle):

“[Having apologise for the delay…] we’d also like to take this opportunity to apologise for the overcrowding to this service. This has been mainly due to there being too many passengers and not enough seats.”

Cue widespread laughter in the carriage.