Categories
Australia Politics

So This Guy Basically Runs Australia Now

I love a bit of politics, me. And normally I love elections. Give me a bit of round-the-clock, through-the-night, staying-with-it-till-the-results-are-in Dimbleby and I just can’t get enough of that coverage. I’ve stayed up through the night to watch the US elections unfolding before, and I happily had the BBC coverage running in the background at work as the results came in in the UK back in May.

But something about my first Aussie election left me a bit cold. Maybe it’s because although I’m a Permanent Resident here, live here, work here and pay my taxes, my lack of Aussie citizenship denies me the right to have a say in who gets to run the place (bit unfair, that, I reckon, given that Sal got to vote in the UK when we lived there, by virtue of having been born in the Commonwealth).

Or maybe it’s because the narrow range of issues that dominated the campaign seemed like issues so far removed from my own life, and the race to the bottom by two parties eager to tell the electorate what they thought they wanted to hear left me not really agreeing with either side (but just hoping whatever happened that the winner wasn’t going to be the budgie smuggling mad monk they call Tony Abbott…)

There was much discussion, for example, of “Boat People”, the unpleasant catch all term for refugees travelling overland to seek asylum in Australia. You wouldn’t know it from the predominant political narrative, but the places they arrive in Australia are really very, very far away from where most of the population of Australia lives and there are really very few of them–far, far less than the numbers of “plane people” who migrate here each year like I did, or the number of “womb people” who add to the population on a daily basis (although neither group rated a mention in this campaign for some reason). My own view (that all nations have a moral responsibility to be treating asylum seekers with dignity, rather than locking them up in offshore processing centres and treating them like criminals) unfortunately wasn’t one that was shared by either of the main parties, who competed between each other to tell this nation of immigrants how tough they’d be on these unfortunate new arrivals.

So I couldn’t get excited about this election at all. That was until it all changed on Saturday when things suddenly got interesting. Proving once again that this place just can’t help taking its cultural cues from the old dart, the voters of Australia, like their counterparts back in the UK, basically voted for no one.

Well, probably. As I understand it this thing is so close that it could be weeks before all the votes are counted, but what we do know is that no one won.

And since neither party will get the magic 76 seats it needs to form a majority government, they’ll need to sign up the 3 nutjob independent MPs and one greens MP (who unseated the Labor incumbent here in Melbourne) who have suddenly been thrust into the spotlight as kingmakers…

So, in essence, this guy now runs Australia:

Bob’s on the job. We live in interesting times indeed…

Categories
Blogging

Moving House

Ok. So I’ve been awfully slack on the whole blogging front lately. Well, to be honest since we left London and travelled across South America and moved ourselves over to Australia in fact, my blogging efforts haven’t quite been the same.

But.

I think it’s time for a change and time for a bit of a new project, so as a sort of mid year resolution I’m moving everything over to this also rather neglected domain (well, it’ll all be here eventually, when I figure out a nice easy way to export all the old posts) and we’re going to start this up again.

But.

You know what it’s like when you move house: everything’s a bit of a mess for a while and it takes you a little time to get things arranged how you like them.

So.

Keep calm, stay tuned for updates and do not adjust your set…

Categories
Uncategorized

Survey Fail

See Film First, they of all those free movie screenings that we used to go to when we lived in London, seem to be starting up over here in Oz, which can’t be a bad thing now that Sal and I have a whopping mortgage to service and need some cheap entertainment.

I’m not quite sure how I was supposed to fill in this survey they sent me, however:

Survey Fail

Luckily my three favourite arthouse films *are* tick, tick, and tick, so that’s all good, but I’m not sure what a Journalists is and whether or not I qualify…

Categories
Uncategorized

So I was just booking tickets to see Brett Easton Ellis speak when he’s in town next month, and I was having a look around the other events that are happening as part of the Melbourne Writers Festival.

I was thinking about The Davitt Awards, but it looks like I’ll have to brush up on my Latin…

Lorem Ipsum...

Categories
Australia Football Shoddy Journalism

Australians Know Their Football

Some more quality fact checking from The Age, today, where I spotted this in their “Complete Guide to South Africa 2010”:

England?

I must have missed the announcement that the home nations have now begun competing as a single unified team, under the Union Flag. I hope The Age’s knowledgeable football writers have informed the Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish Football Associations that they will no longer be required.

I guess it does solve that old problem about us never being able to send a team to play football at the Olympics, though, hey…

Categories
Everton Football

Has It Really Been 25 Years?

That thing that’s about to kick off over in South Africa isn’t the only big football event happening this Aussie winter. There’s also the small matter of England’s 8th best football team heading our way to play a couple of friendlies in July. Of course I already have my tickets for the Melbourne game (in the Everton end with this lot, natch) so when I saw that the Everton store were clearing out their remaining stock of last year’s home shirt at the frankly ridiculous price of just eight quid, I couldn’t resist putting in an order. I’m not about to start wearing it around town, but at that price even if I wear it just the once it’s not bad value at all.

So I was quite excited, on returning home last night, to find a small package from the UK waiting for me. I already knew that the shirt’s design was supposed to be a throwback to the 1984-85 shirt, and the names of the first 11 from that season appear in small type on the back at the top, which is a nice touch. But it was only when I tried it on that I suddenly realised that the last time I owned an Everton shirt, it was the original 1985 vintage…

Sheesh. Can that really have been 25 years ago?

Not sure if I can actually call myself a real fan if I only buy a new replica shirt once every quarter century (and I’m fairly sure that, even if I still had the old one, it wouldn’t quite fit me these days), but still, I look forward to my next purchase. Hope the 2034-2035 strip is a good ‘un…

Categories
Media Shoddy Journalism

10 Year Study Unable To Rule Out Link Between Newspapers And Bullshit

Right. So a ten year study into the possible link between mobile phones and brain tumours finds no evidence that phones cause cancer. How do you report that then, newspapers of the word?

The Daily Mail: “Long conversations on mobile phones can increase risk of cancer, suggests 10-year study”

Daily Express: “CANCER LINK TO HEAVY USE OF MOBILE PHONES”

The Daily Telegraph: “Half an hour of mobile use a day ‘increases brain cancer risk'”

The Times: “Heavy mobile users risk cancer”

The Age: “Study unable to rule out link between mobile phones and brain cancer risk”

Leave it to the excellent NHS Choices blog to talk some sense, with its usual sober and sensible reporting of the actual science behind the tabloid hysteria. I do hope that they survive whatever massive cuts are on their way for the NHS under the new regime…

[Take home quote for me from the NHS Choices report, btw, was this one: “The researchers say that much of the research into a supposed link between mobile use and cancer is to address public concern rather than any particular biological principle: the frequency of radio waves used in mobile phones does not break DNA strands, and therefore cannot cause cancer in this way.” Hmm. I wonder where the public got that idea?]

Categories
Australia Politics Religion

“…you’re a parliamentarian, in Australia, who believes that the world you live in is less than 10,000 years old…?”

An absolute pleasure, last night, while flicking through the small selection of terrestrial channels we have to choose from here in Australia, past the uninspiring Oscars coverage and dull US drama imports, to stumble across Richard Dawkins on Q and A, the ABC’s local version of Question Time.

If you watch this clip from the start of the show, you may be struck as I was by the gulf between Dawkins and the rest of the guests–juxtaposed with someone who can speak so articulately, the politicians on the panel seem spectacularly incapable of stringing a coherent argument together to explain their daft beliefs.

Steve Fielding, sitting to Dawkins’ left, came across particularly poorly by contrast, I thought.

People voted for this man?

Now I know that voting is compulsory here in Australia so it’s not like anyone went the extra mile out of their way to elect him, but do you really mean to tell me that there were choices and people chose him over the other candidates? Who was he up against?

[I see from his website that he’s also a Climate Change Denier, which is nice–I still don’t quite get how anyone in Australia can deny climate change. It’s a little bit like the turkeys voting for Christmas, because if there’s anywhere that’s going to bear the brunt of the increasingly extreme wacky weather we have to look forward to as a result of screwing up the planet, it’s surely Australia…]

Categories
Spam

Insulted by Spam

So I just received the following message from teh interwebs:

From: Jennifer Holmstrum
To: Matt
Subject: I am worried about you Matt

Hi Matt,

Please listen to me on this.

You can either continue on the path that you
are on right now?

Or you can make a positive change that will
reward you for years to come.

Matt, I am talking about your career.

Go here right now and see how easy
it is to become a professional.

[SPAM LINK]

Jennifer,

PS This might not be the first time you have
thought of doing this, but it could be the first
time that it was actually possible. ;-)

Sheesh. “See how easy it is to become a professional?” Thanks, The Internet. What are you trying to say? Is it because I is always twittering during work hours?

Categories
Australia

The Day We Bought The Bank A House

27th February 2010: We Bought A (Blurry) House There’s a well thumbed copy of a book called Everything You Need To Know (But Forget To Ask) When Buying Or Selling Property sitting on the table beside my bed. According to the book it is not uncommon to wake up the day after you buy a house thinking “oh god, what have we done?”

Buyer’s Remorse, they call it.

Maybe this will set in later, but on Sunday morning–the day after we bought the bank a house–the first thought to enter my head was not one of remorse but amazement. “I can’t believe I bought a house at auction yesterday!” I thought to myself when I woke up, with a grin.

It’s certainly an odd way to buy a house. Although Australia-wide there are plenty of houses bought and sold by private sale, in Melbourne (and inner Melbourne at that) the vast majority of property changes hands through public auctions right there in the street outside the house, just like on Neighbours that time when they sold Mrs Mangel’s or Number 30 or whichever one it was.

Saturday was a big day for us–with the place we were interested in going under the hammer at 1pm, we got some practice in by attending three other auctions beforehand that morning. None of these were houses we wanted to buy, but I had previously been inside all of them and thought it would be a good idea to get in the right mindset for the job ahead, and pick up a couple of tactics from some of the other bidders (although as we were advised by Sal’s sister earlier in the week the only tactic that really works every time is “have more money than everyone else”–I’m not sure that’s necessarily something you can pick up in a morning).

We weren’t the only people who had turned up just to watch, though. At our second auction of the day, in Yarra Street in Abbotsford, The Age had sent a photographer and Channel Nine had sent a reporter and cameraman to interview one of the agents and film people shouting out numbers in the street. Clearly a slow news day in Melbourne.

As I Twittered at the time, I had to resist the strongest of urges to run past the interview being filmed beforehand shouting “Eddie McGuire‘s a Prick!” Somehow I managed to keep this childish thought to just myself and anyone who might be following my twitter stream or facebook status…

By the time our one came round, any confidence I might have had earlier in the week had well and truly gone, as we’d seen all three properties sell for well over their advertised price and well over our budget. Still, we headed over to the house and took up a position over the road in amongst a crowd of about 50 or so people spread along the street, and waited for what seemed like an age as the minutes counted down to 1pm.

In the end it proved to be remarkably easy to spend more money than I have ever spent on a single thing in my entire life (most of which I don’t even have). There was a point just before I entered the bidding when I was suddenly struck by the fear that I wouldn’t be able to say the words (what if I opened my mouth and nothing came out? what if I let someone else buy it for less money than we were prepared to pay just because I didn’t get in a bid in time?) but luckily I hadn’t lost the power of speech and I managed to yell out (possibly a little too loudly–I think a lady to my left gasped when I shouted the amount) a number a couple of thousand dollars above the current bid. And once I was in there was nothing to it–by that point there was only one other bidder left and we were only going up in $1,000 increments, at some way under what we were prepared to pay for the place, so it was quite easy to just keep nodding my head and putting it back onto the other bidders. We were competing against an older couple who we later found out were buying for their daughter. Every time the bid went back to them the wife would shake her head as if that was it for them, but then after a pause the husband would bid again. But then they reached their limit and stopped, and after the longest pause of the day so far, (“are we all done? is there anyone else? any more bids…?”) a small piece of Collingwood (a much underrated but very central suburb bordered by cool Smith Street and close to Brunswick Street) was ours. *

Still can’t believe it, though.

* By which I mean we bought 10% of it. It might be ours in 2035, if we’re lucky…