Go Home. Tune In. Duck. Cover. Put Your Feet Up. Make A Nice Cup Of Tea. Vote Labour. Wait For The Authorities To Turn Up. Then Know What’s Best. They Always Have Our Best Interests At Heart.

Returning home from a thoroughly pleasant work leaving dinner at a sadly fairly celebrity-free The Ivy last night, I discovered that we’ve finally received our very own copy of the cracking Preparing For Propaganda booklet, about three weeks after everyone else (“oh, is that what that is” says a disinterested Sal, who hadn’t even bothered to pick it up from the floor next to the front door–surely the actions of a potential terrorist, if ever I saw them. Perhaps I should phone the Blunket’s informant line Anti-Terrorism Hotline and report this “suspicious behaviour”…)

Given that everyone else has had a three week head start in stopping global terrorism, however, I felt it my civic duty to read the advice carefully. Essentially it appears to be telling us to go inside and watch telly, which seems fine to me. In that case I’m fighting global terror on a daily basis. Other selected advice includes such grammatically awkward gems as “try to avoid as much movement as possible”, and “loosen tight clothing”, which is just general good sense, really.