Oh dear. It’s that time of year again: tonight is my work Christmas party. After last year’s truly awful Medieval Banquet-themed event, I had assumed that this year’s party couldn’t possibly be any worse, but it looks like I might be about to be proved wrong.
The first worrying sign came way back in July, when we were emailed a list of potential options, all of which seemed to be offered by this company: www.christmasparties.net, and which mostly seem to consist of a conference room in some shabby hotel that’s been decorated in a particular theme.
For example, how could you possibly resist the “Hooray for Hollywood” themed event:
“As you sip your welcome drink in the glamorous foyer take in the aura of anticipation as everybody marvels at which famous stars they will see!
Our giant illuminated Oscars will lead the way to your reserved table, where you will have a rare opportunity to dine with the stars, as images of famous screen icons adorn the room.”
So that opportunity to “dine with the stars” on your “reserved table” basically means that there are going to be a couple of film posters on the walls.
Or there’s the “Viva Las Vegas” night, which captures the spirit of Vegas with its “Tables dressed with black tablecloths and white napkins”, and I’m pleased to see that they list “lighting” as one of the items included. Wow. With these lights and tablecloths they are really spoiling us.
So the pretty universal reaction to all this nonsense was that none of us wanted to attend any of these overpriced, naff, tacky events, and were sure that the company could do a lot more with the fifty quid a head that they were planning to spend.
Flash forward a couple of months, and the people tasked with booking our Christmas party come round the office to ask everyone individually what they’d like to do this year. In an entirely impartial and non-influential voting system, we were asked whether we’d like (in a low, dull voice) to just go out as the company for “a boring, normal meal” somewhere or (in an excited, happy voice) would we like “a really exciting and fun themed party event with other companies who will surely bring along lots of single men and women”.
I voted for the meal.
And, of course, we’re going to “Disco thru’ the Decades“, because the entire decision on where to go for the evening should be based on the off chance that a couple of developers might pull. I think my favourite part of the theme we’ve chosen is their classy use of the deliberate misspelling “thru” in the event’s title. And I must say, I’m looking forward to “bopping along to the fantastic DJ” at “Club Awesome” as he plays disco hits from the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. I imagine it will just be like being 16, back in Southport, and at the Kingsway listening to all my favourite songs, like “It’s Raining Men”, and “Oh What A Night”. And you can never listen to enough of the same 5 disco songs from the 19070s can you? I mean surely no other type of music happened during that 10 years, did it?
But wait, what’s that you say? There’s Karaoke too, for the “budding pop stars”? And that’s “awesome” as well? What are the chances! It’ll be just like that Pop Stars Factor show that all the kids are watching these days.
Oh, and I almost forgot to point out the opulent hotel where all this excitement is taking place. Don’t those stylish conference rooms look great.
I can’t wait. Can you tell?