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From The Postbag: Redux

I know I did this last week, but I’ve had so many new letters over the last few days that I’m doing it again (it’s times like these when you just wish that Spamusement was still going).

“Tye Stockton” has written in to say: “Don’t let hot women laugh at your small tool, because you can change that today.” Well, quite: after last week’s letters I went straight down to B&Q to pick up some power tools to impress old Scarlet Johansson. Presumably if those are still too small for her then I can return them under the sale of goods act as being not “fit for purporse”. Thanks, Tye, for reminding me.

Less helpful is this letter from “Lev Roche”: “Life’s tough, make IT tougher, harder, longer”. What are you suggesting? Yes, you are correct, I do work in IT, but I don’t think it’s fair for you to suggest I’m not doing my bit. How much tougher, harder and longer do you want me to work? Honestly. Some people…

Elsewhere, someone else is picking apart a bit of my life, but I’m not sure what Ilona Panoutsoukian really means when she says “Your instrument could be so much bigger”. Look mate, I play a standard-sized guitar, so I don’t really see what you are getting at.

Oh, and I haven’t read the letter from Gurpreet Nhum in full (“Doctors endorse this miracle solution that adds inches within just weeks.”) but I’m pretty sure the answer is cakes, isn’t it…

That’s all for now, but remember, kids: don’t be put off if we haven’t read out your letter. We do look at everything you send in!